How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize