We got so high we made milksteak
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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