I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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