we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
