angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
