My Higher Power is John Stamos
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
