What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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