I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
