now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
