Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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