We got so high we made milksteak
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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