If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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