My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
