I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
