Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
