I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
