I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
