Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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