my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
