dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
