so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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