Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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