I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
