I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
