There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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