So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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