I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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