i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
