This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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