what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
