I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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