O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
