you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
