Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
