So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
