"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
