So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Houston, we have a squirter
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
