Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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