Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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