the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
