sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
