i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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