3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
