Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
