hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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