32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize