overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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