You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
