Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
