his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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