shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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