just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
