somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize