This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
