I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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