$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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