i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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