Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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