i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
