Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
