did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
