Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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