i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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