nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
